Relationship Program for Married Couples

Do you truly believe that you have a healthy marriage? Do you feel that your marriage is actually a fulfilling institution? Do you want to have a peace in one of the important relationships you are in by choice or no choice?

“I am in this marriage just because of children!”
“I am in this marriage because I need to be in the society!”
“I have no other choice but to stick to this marriage so am stuck in this!”
“My parents would be happy so I am sticking around with this marriage!”
“I don’t have the courage to quit the marriage so I have no choice but to just stick to this marriage!”

I often hear all these statements from men and women. For whatever reason or so called ‘compromise’, some of us adjust and feel frustrated.

When I have done couple sessions as a psychologist, I feel actually if we sit to understand the reasons of the tiff, they are not generally defined. Even if they are it sounds so clumsy and whimsical that the partners themselves can’t point out the actual reason of the cold attitude.

“You don’t have time for me!” An oft heard complaint! Is it about just time, or itis about quality time?

When I have worked with couples, I have observed that the ‘ego’ that is often mistook as self esteem, self respect and individuality creates most of the problems in the relationship. We tend to ignore the fact that a person can maintain a balance between the needs of the relationship and at the same time, enjoy their individuality. The wisdom is all about prioritizing what is required in a given situation.

They also say, it is easier to say than done! However, allow me to request you to ponder over it once as to what is your understanding of your partner!

I honestly accept that at times, views don’t match, lifestyles don’t match and at times, expectations are poles apart, perception of life is different or may be its about difference in the maturity level of the partners.

Our program is focussed on bringing it all together in our one-to-one sessions, joint sessions and group sessions as and when required as it is very useful to sit and exchange ideas with other couples in a channelized manner where we can all learn from each other.

We have specially designed questionnaires and tests that one can take to understand their personality and life positions which not only give them an insight about their own true self but also assist each other to discover the needs of your partner.

‘Art of healthy communication’ is the most important aspect of marital tie. The irony is we are all knowledged however, are we educated? We are all intelligent however let’s contemplate about the wisdom part too!

We talk when needed, but do we communicate?

When I tried to get to the depth of it, allow me to share, that in most of the sessions, I have found that communication is missing because the partners or one of the partners don’t feel the freedom of space to express as he/ she feels the fear of being misunderstood. I urge, it is not about what we say, it is all about how we express it.

We intend to offer some simple easy tips and techniques of healthy and open communication between the partners through one-to-one sessions or joint sessions as every individual comes with his/her own past and perceptions towards life.

Somebody talks about importance of family values, on the contrary perceives it as being orthodox!

Somebody wants to adapt to so-called ‘modern educated style of life’, on the contrary, others find it mismatch to the minimum required norms to be followed in the family!

I request you to trust me, these are not problems, however, these are just issues which can be resolved. What is required is a healthy intention of working over it. All of us have some expectations and likes in our lives. It’s about the sincere effort to just understand what are those some basic minimum things your partner appreciates and are you willing to work towards it? And if you feel it is little difficult, then there has to be healthy way to communicate it to your partner so that it can be a discussion rather than every word becoming a conflict!

When I try to listen to the fights of couples in my sessions, excuse me to dare to feel amused when I find out that after two minutes of the start of any argument, the conversation takes a complete grapevine trip and none of them actually knows what was the topic which they started the argument with!

The best excuse for couples to sound like a perfect victim is, “I am here for the kids”..... “I am here for the society”.....Let’s find answers.....

The parents play a very important role also in our family system. Their role can actually make a marriage a liveable relationship. We try to take up the issue as a complete picture where we talk about how to receive support from the environment rather than just blaming everybody around for your misconceptions and illusions!

The saddest part of a disturbed relationship is the repercussion on ‘issues’.....oops that’s how they address them.....I call them kids! It is really heart burning and disturbing to see how our ego clashes and so-called ‘self esteem’ fights affect the innocent ones who have no idea of what is happening. Either they remain confused and completely hibernate into their own shells feeling totally perplexed of what is happening, or as perfect imitators, they also start behaving in as aggressive manner as they observe in their environment.

I don’t claim anything to be a ‘perfect marriage’. I also don’t suggest that our sessions would even get you close to any such term called ‘perfect marriage’. However, I trust that our sessions together with your intention to receive and work on your relationship can make it liveable enough not to affect your kids adversely or other people around in the environment. The partners can also lead at least a more sorted life in their individual space without hampering their partner’s life or their own. If nothing, you can reach a level where ‘you agree to disagree’!

We all aspire to have a happy and healthy marriage. At times, it just doesn’t seem to be working out! The choice is ours....whether to make an effort to understand it and work towards it with best of our potential or continue to crib and complain which serves nothing but add to understanding issues! I urge to suggest a middle way to some of the couples in sessions when I feel that the views of the partners are poles apart, we attempt to find a resolution to achieve a relationship which might not be great or ‘perfect’ but at least it can be amenable and manageable.

There is no boundary of definition of which marriages success or fail. We are seeing newly married couples contemplating divorce and even a well baked 15 years of marriage also planning to independence from each other!

Before it gets more difficult to sustain the relationship, let’s just make a committed effort to work on it sincerely and make it healthy and liveable relationship.

Amrit Asmi Marriage Counselling