We often hear that the time between the day you decide on your life partner till the day you tie the auspicious knot finally, it is the most beautiful and cherished time in our lives. Would you like to add some more meaning to this wonderful relationship with your special ‘to-be’? Would you like to pamper this beautiful relationship and enrich it with a defined intention of true love and peace between both of you?
It is a disheartening fact that divorce rates are increasing in our society. The reasons that I have observed as a psychologist, are varied. Sometimes, it’s about expectations, it’s about trust issues, it’s about non-adjustment with the new environment or its people, at times it’s about difference in lifestyle one has lived till now and the new lifestyle, at times it’s about some fantasy demands that one always thought are real......at times its simple about understanding each other!
We say that marriage is an institution. But we tend to forget that when we get into an institution, it’s not only about our illusions that give us temporary happiness! It is about preparing ourselves to make the most of our ‘being’ there......
It is easy to fall in love...it is difficult to rise in love! It is easy to fall in love....it’s difficult to stay in love! Would you like to know about the physical, emotional, mental, psychological and spiritual aspects of one of the most important relationships in our lives?
We are busy planning our portfolios, planning our outfits, managing our wardrobes, marking our calendar with dates and then blush while discussing it with friends and family! But is that enough??????? Would we not like to make this feeling of pleasure stay with us throughout our lives in our relationship?
They say, I have found ‘Mr Right’ or ‘Ms Right’.......the fact is it’s always about finding ‘Mr Right Enough’ and ‘Ms Right Enough’. Our attitude, thoughts, actions, approach and understanding makes it right!!!!! That is exactly what we accentuate and encourage in our ‘Pre Marriage Program’.
We intend to make our young adults aware of ‘art of healthy communication’ to express freely and respectfully. Our workshops and counselling sessions include the techniques and ways of healthy communication to allow enriching relationship between the partners. It assists easy problem solving and management of situations as a team effectively and efficiently. The varied aspects like the constant search about likes and dislikes of the partner, trying to put the fantasised ideas reared till now with the reality in tandem, trying to get acclimatised with the new names in new relationships, handling emotional swings of your partner and self, striving to stand up to the expectations of the families, apprehensions about the changes the pious knot is going to get into your life.....whooo....the list is too long.....either we remain perplexed and confused or we push it under the carpet!!!!!!!
Another very important aspect in this understanding is about dealing with each other’s family. We all live our lives in a particular manner till now and then we are suddenly dealing with someone who probably has different approach towards life, a very different lifestyle, a mindset that he/she has received with his/her experiences. Our family systems are different from western countries. We are engrained with the ‘sanskaras’ of being in harmony and peace with both the parents and other family members. Here, I beg to highlight, that I am not talking only about the girl, the pressure on the boy cannot be underrated!
Our ego that we often mistake as self respect spoils our beautiful relationships. Here, drawing the line is indispensable. It would not only take care of the relationship between the partners, however, it would also prevent unwanted clashes with other family members.
Temperament issues which we just simply took as mood swings till now, become sincere issues when it comes to relationship between the partners. Understanding the temperament and attitude of each other can ease out the whole scenario effortlessly.
We all have some past..... with some us it’s a by gone but for some us it sticks around like a shadow which we tend to just keep aside and we attend to the misconception that we have dealt with it, which later on shows up bad in the future of the marital relationship!
Some of the common questions which I have observed are there in these young adults’ minds are:
- Am I ready for marriage?
- Is he/she is the right one for me?
- Would he/she understand me?
- How much to reveal and how much to hold back during the 8-10 hours conversations throughout the day?
- Would I be able to adjust with the new family and its lifestyle?
- Would I feel free to express my feelings?
- How to make it a ‘perfect marriage’?
- What would he/she feel if I say this or that?
...................................am sure there are many more!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let’s sit and invest some effort to find the more meaningful answers to our confusions and get the clarity to the ambiguity which by no choice we live with, rather than covering with our false efforts of pleasing and impressing each other which doesn’t last long!
Our program includes one-to-one sessions, joint sessions, psychological analysis of each other which would give more clarity about each other’s personality and ideas, group sessions, if required or wanted to gather others’ experiences to enrich one’s own relationship.
So, let’s make the beautiful institution of marital friendship deeper and most cherished gift to ourselves from God and life!